D/s BDSM

Domination and submission (also known as D&s, Ds or D/s) is a set of psychosexual behaviors, customs and rituals relating to the giving and accepting of dominance of one individual over another in an erotic or lifestyle context. It is part of the BDSM group of paraphilias.

D/s is often referred to as the "mental" side of BDSM. Physical contact is not a necessity, and can even be conducted anonymously over telephone, email or (more recently) instant messaging services. In other cases it can be intensely physical, sometimes traversing into sadomasochism. In D/s, one takes pleasure or erotic enjoyment out of either dominating or being dominated. Those who take the superior position are called Dominants, Doms (male) or Dommes (female), while those who take the subordinate position are called subs or submissives (male or female). A switch is an individual who plays in either role. Two switches together may negotiate and exchange roles several times in a session. Submissives generally outnumber Dominants, with male subs outnumbering Dommes by the widest margin, often three to one or more. "Dominatrix" is a term usually reserved for a female professional dominant who dominates others for pay. There also exist D/s relationships outside of the BDSM community, or where the dominance and submission is not sexual or erotic in nature, which are not referenced here.

Dominance and submission, and the inner conflict and surrender connected to these are enduring themes in human culture and civilization as well as human sexuality. Human beings share with many other mammals the instinct to look up to certain individuals who become leaders often through strength of will and personality, and to lead or follow, submit or dominate. In human sexuality this has broadened out to include mutual exploration of roles, emotions and activities (such as sensation play, the exploration of intense physical sensation as an end in itself) which would be difficult or impossible to do without a willing partner taking an opposing role.

As such, D/s is far more subtle than its initial appearance of those who are cruel and want to brutalize, but some people like sensations of pain to an extent. Modern BDSM is very different from this (see Myths), is based upon a deep ethos of mutual respect and has developed an entire subculture of values and approaches within which such explorations of oneself and ones relationships can take place in a safe, sane and consensual manner within either or both roles.

D/s may be ritualised or freeform. It is usually a negotiated lifestyle, where people discuss their wishes, limits and needs, seeking commonality. As such it may exist within, or separate to, a sexual or marital relationship and indeed in many ways may be considered a form of relationship of its own. This would not be so much because it is sexual, loving or long term (although it may be any or all of these), but because the essential intensity, trust and intimacy within it that are similar to those required to make any deep relationship possible.